Tips-Responsibility Checklists
Involve your kids in the set-up
We recommend involving your children in the setup. Consider printing the default checklist (or make your preferred changes first), discuss it with them and ask what should be added or subtracted.
And maybe even shock them when they suggest an addition by saying "Let's add that next month after we get used to this". Imagine - Mom or Dad saying I should do less!
Keep in mind that Rome wasn't built in a day - there's plenty of time to enhance the process. Your children are growing and have a lot to learn......and you have a long time to do it. The Active Allowance tools are flexible so your use will grow with them.
When you have buy-in, the system works beautifully!
Results can happen fast
Many parents see some immediate results. It's amazing how writing things down as a checklist can:
1. make expectations more clear
2. add to the satisfaction of getting things done (like checking something off your to-do list).
Improvement is a saw-toothed curve
Don't be surprised if some of your kids do well in the first few weeks, but not as well in week 3 or 4. They'll naturally test the limits, or lose interest once the newness is over. Be patient...things will improve.
Use the process as a handrail, not handcuffs
How strict should I be?
If they don't do something, should I let them get away with it?
There's not a parent who hasn't asked these questions! Here are a few examples of applying common sense and flexibility.
1. If we're out late one evening, or perhaps if our child is at a sleepover, we do not hold our kids to the requirement to read before bed, nor keep to their normal bedtimes. We give them the point anyway (our child marks NA in the box).
2. For a little while, we were lax on ensuring they completed the checklist for that day and allowed them to play catch up a few days later. This was a practice we've since corrected - there were too many debates about whether something was really done. We now require them to have a day's checklist completed by no later than the following morning or they lose the points for that day.
3. Although it's the kids' responsibility to complete the checklist, we've learned that there are some items we need to check off ourselves. For example, it's really hard to remember if we had to nag our two younger sons that morning for carpool. If we wait until evening before we look at the list, we inevitably forget. We now will mark an "X" ourselves right away in the morning if the nagging begins.
4. In the first week or two, you might want to cut the kids some slack in a few areas (e.g. fill out the sheet yourself). It's hard to get used to any new system. However, be sure to tell them when you're going to "tighten up" each item so they have forewarning (e.g. ready for bed means teeth already brushed).
Tailor it to the needs of each child
• Some kids need to be encouraged to read and others do not.
• Some kids need to be encouraged to exercise; others never stop moving.
• Some kids like to have many items to check off; others hate too many boxes.
And just to confuse you, something that works today may not work in 3 months. Be flexible - and be creative!
Tailor it to the needs of your family
As an example, we needed to lower the family temperature in the morning as we got the kids ready for car pool. A checklist item "ready for carpool, no nagging needed!" was important for our family!
Where did my sheet go?
Keep the sheet physically visible and accessible - it's important to make it easy for the child to complete. As an example, you might post it on the refrigerator.
In our house, we put each one on a separate clipboard (one for each child) and keep them in plain view. That way, they can also be moved around without getting lost.
(warning - you'll probably still going to have to remind them frequently, at least for the first while)
There's a balance between too many items in a category and too few
You will probably need to experiment to find the right balance. Too many items in a category means that if a child doesn't do one item (e.g. Piano Practice), she can easily say "Oh well, I might as well not do any of the others."
On the other hand, if you have too few items in a category and too many categories, then your points total will be so high that it will feel like any individual item can be omitted at very small cost to your child. Kids are pretty smart and will undoubtedly figure this out!
Thinking about Bonus items
Bonus items should be considered "above and beyond" - your child will not be penalized for not doing them. However, they are important, so you're prepared to give a point just for doing that item.
For example, reading for 1/2 hour is part of our boys' checklists in the Night category; it's not a bonus item. (Our daughter is a voracious reader so it's not on her list.) But we do have an extra 1/2 hour of reading as part of the bonus category. If they don't do the extra 1/2 hour, they don't lose any points. However, if they do, they earn an extra point.
Similarly, we do not make "Math with Dad" part of the required routine. However, it is in the bonus category. It was both funny and exciting when our 7 year old came to me breathlessly one night asking me to do some math with him - apparently, he needed just one more point to achieve 100%!
Be as specific and concrete as possible
When creating responsibilities, be as specific as possible. It would be hard for your child to achieve a task called "Be a good person" - and even harder for you to assess! Be more realistic and say "Do a good deed."