Teaching Kids Dollars & Sense

Here’s a question we often get at Active Allowance:

“Any idea how we can inspire our 13-yr old to actually cooperate with our new allowance & chores system?”

There’s no doubt it’s tougher to get teens started on a new system if they never had chores or responsibilities when they were younger. Nevertheless, we do have members who tell us they’ve had good success. Before I elaborate, here’s a brain teaser: Try to distinguish between teenagers’ “Yecch’s” and the “Yay’s” for the following words:

• autonomy
• chores
• responsibilities
• money
• freedom
• micromanagement

Hmmmm, I think I probably have the same “Yecch’s” and “Yay’s”. We all do some things not because we love them, but because we know we they need to be done. That’s pretty mature and rational.

I know it sounds unlikely to some parents, but teenagers CAN often be mature and rational too……but you may need to connect the dots for them. The key is to accentuate the positives - more freedom to decide what they buy, more opportunities to earn extra, more clarity and consistency from Mom and Dad, as just a few examples.

There are no hard and fast rules as to what will work for your kids and your family since a) all kids are different and b) there are so many different family philosophies on this subject. Nevertheless, here are a few things to consider:

1. Try hard to achieve “buy-in” up front

   This is best accomplished by Involving your teen in its creation.

   For the allowance, create a mini-budget, making it clear how much spending power you’re shifting into his hands and in what areas. Also make it clear what he needs to do to earn extra. This is usually pretty exciting and empowering. For a teen, it’s called “freedom”!

   And - especially important - collaborate on creating the chores/responsibilities list too - don’t just hand her a finished version of what you’d like to see. Seek her input and ideas. You can use it as an opportunity to teach her the importance of sharing the family effort as well as help her connect the dots.

   Out of the box tip: Sometimes teens suggest a tough task (I’ll wash the floor EVERY DAY!). Resist the urge to rub your hands with glee, or murmur mwah-ha-ha. Consider rejecting it or making it easier, at least temporarily. You might say “Let’s agree to add that one next month” or even reject it altogether. You will be modeling reasonableness which, in turn, encourages buy-in.

2. Avoid Micromanagement

   With younger kids, a Chores list is more about getting them into good daily habits so it may need to be long and detailed. But once they’re teenagers, they typically rebel against being micromanaged. I would keep your chores/responsibilities checklist short and focused on those areas you really want to see improved (eg. for our ultra-busy, always-late 14 yr old daughter, we included “eating a healthy breakfast”).

3. Reinforce why and how this system is working for them

   For example, when they buy something you normally wouldn’t have agreed to (eg an extra-expensive pair of shoes), remind them they would not have been able to do this without the chores and allowance system in place. By the way, this goes for the younger kids too but it’s especially important to reinforce it with the older kids.

4. Review and adjust

   Be sure to have an open conversation with your teen about his likes and dislikes about the system, especially after the first month or two (and perhaps check in quarterly afterwards). To be sure, many kids want a totally free ride - get an allowance with no responsibilities. However, assuming that’s not on the table, you may have a useful conversation about how you can mutually tweak the system to work better for your situation.

…..to be continued next week –>

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 19th, 2007 at 6:30 pm and is filed under Active Allowance Tips, Allowance & Chores, Teens, ideas. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.